I’m a 24 yo religious Congolese woman, professional, doing work in the an effective FAANG (therefore I am making a relatively good currency) and residing in Europe

I’ve not ever been this new very girl whenever i was younger but I had a massive glow upwards in the last decades and you can went throughout the unappealing one positively using brand new pretty advantage.

We of course provides my flaws but i have been dealing with all of them for some time and you will overall hear out-of my loved ones that i provides a sort heart and that i in the morning notice alert and you can a good communicator.

I am not sure if all of this sounds pompous, that’s really not the aim,I am saying this so you’re able to contextualise my situation (English is not my personal earliest words)

Broadening up I happened to be right up really white ecosystem and that resulted in internalised care about-hate. I was unlearning so it consistently now. I’m completely the opposite today: I’m a beneficial 100% pro-black and that i«refuse» up until now away from my personal ethnicity. I actually do enjoys large requirements, however, my requirements dont had been things I don’t see myself and you can is mainly predicated on beliefs, reputation and levels of aspiration.

not, I can’t appear to get a hold of black colored men in the “my personal peak”, and https://internationalwomen.net/da/islandske-kvinder/ that i genuinely don’t want to settle. Often there is an elementary trouble with new men We satisfy: -done, kind, glamorous not Religious or low-doing Christian (my trust is important in my opinion)

But most of the time guys are merely discouraged by my success at an early age. I do not head matchmaking someone who earns less than me personally however, I believe like that constantly have me personally being forced to generate myself brief. Of course, if I do see somebody who appears to have they the, do not line up when you look at the beliefs (such as looking forward to sex prior to ple).

I do satisfy a whole lot more light those who see my personal criteria however, I do not need certainly to supply into label that successful black feminine constantly day white dudes in accordance with my personal reputation of internalised self-hate I do not thought I’m able to actually pick me that have a great white man.

I have found one to black dudes who’re shopping for matchmaking me personally have loads of female opportunity and are usually not management which puts me personally off

I noticed ” Think Such One, Behave like A lady” and it also generally seems to claim that while successful and you will enjoys large requirements, you’re going to be unmarried.

When i have not got one relationships I don’t truly know just how it works… is my conditions in love, are We inquiring too-much? Have always been We dealing with it to “rationally” Are you experiencing one tips for me personally ?

Revise : I have not phrased my personal paragraph regarding the serving on stereotypes really. While i say I do not must feed toward stereotypes, I really don’t perhaps not concern with man’s wisdom. There’s a lot of mixity during my family without one to cares exactly who We get, I’m performing this for my situation.

The major reason I don’t should date light guys was once the We fear losing me once again (countless trauma regarding growing with whites, nevertheless within the procedures for it). I am not saying comfy up to light guys, I find me personally code-switching 80% of time and that i just do perhaps not pick me personally finishing living which have a light man.

I want black colored like and i also feel I’m happy to meet my personal individual

The second is that we should not believe that I must time additional my personal ethnicity to track down individuals including me. In my opinion, if i need date external my pond once the I am «also profitable», it brand of verifies this new stereotypes I was raised that have, black folks are towards the bottom and you can white individuals from the finest, and that once you visited a certain level of success your need certainly to big date a light man/woman. English is not my basic words thus please uncovered with me ????